why project 86 rocks my face off

so, i bought the new project cd yesterday. wow, hold onto your face. its incredible. especially the songs oblivion, spy hunter and say goodnight to the bad guy. such a great band. everyone should listen to them fo sho. and their lyrics are good too, which is the best part.

so this was a good week. still intense spiritual attack. but hey, comes with the territory of serving the LORD. bring it on. He is always faithful.

so i was thinking about this verse and how its true. its luke 14:25-30.

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26) "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. 27) And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28) "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29) For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30) saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' "

and i was thinking how true that passage is. that obedience to Christ will make us forsake and ignore even those things we value because He is so much better. and that makes me sad that i can't do both. cause i do love all those things in verse 25. and i desire to show them that in all kinds of ways. and i'm glad Christ is teaching me how to show the people that i do care about that i care. but often obedience calls me to put God before those things. and i have sometimes hesitated and am kinda currently doing that. but i desire to obey more than anything else. so thats what all do. because i want to finish the race. i want to be like paul in 2 Timothy 4 and say that i ran the race and kept the faith and now God will give me the crown of righteousness. or like james in ch1 and say that i persevered the trial and now God will reward me with the crown of life. and i pray that my interaction with all of those things will be focused on God because i've noticed that a lot of my relationships have lost that focus. and i want it back because thats the way it should be and it rids us of problems. plus it glorifies Christ and uplifts us. so its a good call all around.

so whoop for upstream. it was fun with only 5 people and just the two fellas. good times guys. i'm glad this ministry keeps me praying intensely. good stuff.

again, you should all be rocking out to project 86 cause they are amazing. even if you are emilee frame and all those others who hate the screaming. lol. kidding. here are some lyrics from oblivion for you though, so you can kinda get the experience. its long, but please read it. its awesome.

A double minded one
Gazing into two reflections
Who cannot recognize
The vessel or the messenger

Yeah!

Obedience gone and somewhere
Left in the distance
New wilderness
Outstretched hand, broken wrist
Just a little taste of everything you would miss
Could you turn your back on this?

Fight, (fight)
For our tomorrow
Fall, (to stand)
Surrender, to follow (2x)

Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever have
Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever need

From somewhere far, far away:
(I Will avenge, I will repay)
A distant voice from some familiar place
(Drive it home in me, pull it out from me)
"Let go the anchor
Let got the deadweight.
(I will repay, I will avenge),
And I'll change what's in remiss"

Fight, (fight)
For our tomorrow
Fall, (to stand)
Surrender, to follow (2x)

Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever have
Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever need

Will I find home in
This beautiful oblivion?
No meaning
No solace
No comfort
No justice
These thoughts I've held in failure
My paper champion, false savior
"You think the answer lies within
When your heart betrays you?"

Oh yeah, yeah
Oh yeah, yeah

From somewhere far, far away:
(I Will avenge, I will repay)
A distant voice from some familiar place
(Drive it home in me, pull it out from me)
"Let go the anchor
Let got the deadweight.
(I will repay, I will avenge),
And I'll change what's in remiss"

Fight, (fight)
For our tomorrow
Fall, (to stand)
Surrender, to follow (2x)

Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever have
Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever need

It's all
All we'll ever have
It's all
All we'll ever need (2x)

thanks for reading. peace.

when understanding comes

so, i think i understand a little bit more of what is happening to me. thanks to ashley for mentioning the analogy about the silversmith cause i think that is def what is happening to me right now. my impurities are coming to the surface so that He can scrape them away. so i'll def be happier after its all over. its also great that satan is attacking me in a bunch of different ways too. makes life loads of fun. so for all those who were concerned about me, i'm doing much better now. God humbled me a lot and i know He will continue to do so, so whoop for that. praise Him that He is an amazing God.

i also saw how much i am going to pray for my upstream group. cause i really want God to impact them. so i will be praying hardcore for that. they are a sweet group of "kids" so far, i'm getting more excited. i'm also happy that is God is making this group different than my last two so i'm on my toes. not more of the same. i've def entrusted this group to Him and am confident in His ability to keep what i have entrusted to Him. i also will continue to pray and ask God to do things that are off the deep end, with no better way to phrase that. just crazy stuff that no one has seen before. and again, i am confident in Him. as long as i stay out of the way, and i am obedient in all things. so thats a def prayer.

i also like having my away messages mean exactly how i feel at present. i especially like the like about DareDevil. "The man without fear is back." and thats how i so want myself to be like. complete confidence in the LORD. good stuff.

so underoath is quite possibly one of the greatest bands ever. good stuff. you should all go to purevolume.com and download their stuff. its incredible. i love it. and a solid quote from my roommate aaron, "if it takes longer than 30 seconds to acquire a taste for it, its not worth it." good times. i think thats enough, so here's my quote.

"You're the lord of lords
You're the king of kings
You are mighty God, Lord of everything
You're emmanuel, You're the Great I am
You're the Prince of Peace, Who is the lamb
You're the living God, You're my saving grace
You will reign forever, You are ancient of days
You are Alpha Omega, Beginning and End
You're my Savior Messiah, Redeemer and friend
You're my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You"

Prince of Peace by Michael W. Smith

i dont know what to title this

so, i haven't posted in awihle, so i guess i shall. i don't really know what to say or title this, or even what to talk about. i'm still a mass of emotions, each regarding different things, still endervering to learn and know what i am to be doing. so, this will be random and prolly long, just like all my posts are.

one, thanks to friends who have the guts to tell it like it is. to tell me where i screw up and give me an honest opinion about everything. and still be very loving about it. i'm glad i have yall and hopefully i can be like that too. to all the people that i have hacked off recently, i'm sorry. i have really not meant to. i thought i had some stuff down, pertaining to how i acted, and didn't have to worry about it, but apparently i didn't. so i will def be prayin and asking God to change that in me. and please, tell me when i do stuff like that. i may not seem like the most open person to stuff like that, but i will def appreciate it and not bite your head off, i promise. in case it wasn't blatantly obvious, i've not been having the greatest last couple of months, but thats not excuse fo sho. God is def taking me places i've never been and so it wears on me cause i have no idea about things. its not what i'm used to, so it makes me sad cause i liked what i had. but if this leads me into a deeper walk with Christ, which i am confident in, then i shall be happy in the end. thanks to emilee for encouraging me on that and reminding me of stuff that i've been pondering about recently. good to be talking and hangin with you again. fo sho, you are a great friend and i hope to renew that friendship.

shout out to my freshman whom i've gotten to see this week. enjoyed it. yall rock my face off. i hope that God has really been teaching and giving you the desire to seek Him. we will def be doing something together next week. maybe a meal, or maybe just a good time. we'll let yah know.

so i don't know what else to write about, whether its sadness about something in the future of which i am now less confident in, or something about patience and the ways the LORD moves, or about how i want to leave the states, or about my fantasy baseball team, or aggie baseball being in 149 days, whoop! even though, thats so long from now. wow. but thats kinda whats been flying around the brain of myself. and of course, upstream tomorrow. whoop!!!!!!! i love it. bring it on.

k, i guess thats enough, heres your quote:

"The man without fear is back." said about DareDevil

yay english class

first upstream

so first upstream was tonight. whoop fo sho. its gonna be tight. i can't wait to see how God is going to grow these freshman and use me and laura to do it. pray for more guys for my group. there were a bunch at upstream but we just got a bad skew in my group. no biggie, got dibs on all the ones from next week. lol. good times. i pray that God will reveal Himself to our group in amazing ways and we will all grow to know Him more because of it. so def whoop for that.

so things are better with the previous post, in case yall were all freaking out with me. i kinda was told the wrong thing, but its still not good. its going to be rough to get this all worked out, but i'm going to stay around and do it. no matter what it takes. thanks to the folks who listen to me talk about it and imed or called me to see how i was, i really appreciate it, i needed it. yay for friends who love me. i love yall too. yay for getting and emailing barbara today. that made me happy. plus, guess whose going to take a free russian language class on campus on sunday nights?? yeah thats right, me. how sweet is that? whoop fo sho too. so now i'll be ready for next summer. lol. not really, but i'll know some which is awesome.

so one of my earlier posts talked about, love the emotion and the deeper kind. today i was praying and really got the impression that the deeper kind involves the knowing what it is and what it feels like. it being God's presence. even when it doesnt come with feelings cause i'm convinced it doesn't always and that these feelings are the end all be all. i read 2 tim 1:12, "...i know the one in whom i have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard what i have entrusted to Him until that day." like worship tonight, i knew that God was there because i know what to look for, at least alittle. not saying i know all about worship or have "arrived".
but that was here tonight, the thoughts and heart stuff, even if the feelings weren't which is fine. but yeah, i really don't know much about this at all still. still prayin that God will teach me more, and that He will teach me to love Him more. that He would be more intimate with me. and thats another thing i will pursue and wait for. whoop. anyways, thats it for me right now i think. heres your quote:

"There is the will of the people to endure and fight oppression. I think we call it the American spirit." john steinbeck

so i just lost the one thing i care about more than anything. wow. how can i mess things up so bad? i can't freaking believe it. why do all my decisions always seem to screw everything up so horribly? and i still have no idea what happened. gosh. and the best part is, i can't do anything about it. its completely out of my hands. i don't know what to do. i don't even know what to pray for. so that being said, i'm going to go to bed. hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow but i doubt it. but i will still trust my LORD and my God.

so right before class, i thought i'd post something new. hadn't done it in a couple of days. had a great week last week. happily. much better than three before that. unfortunately during those three weeks i managed to create more problems in some of my friendships which will be ironed out today. gosh i wish i didn't do that, but it seems like i always just mess something up all the time, so that our friendship can't be fun hangout time, its always working through stuff cause i'm an idiot. so i'm sorry, to this person for that. hopefully we'll be able to work this stuff out.

got another crazier week this week. between work, school, and my new upstream group this thursday (whoop!!). so i'll be sleeping less, but thats ok. God will sustain me. yay for having an insomniac partner. that'll be fun. God was def good to me last week, and hopefully His grace and mercy will rest on me again this week so i can continue to seek Him and serve Him and learn to love Him.

well, class is starting, so i better jet. this is what i want to happen. heres your quote:

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 corinthians 3:18

partner

yeah, so i got my upstream partner. just who i thought it'd be. whoop for God letting me know beforehand. for whatever reason He did. def excited. she's a coo kid. shout out to laura. rock on. not much to add past that. been a good week. God has been good to me, so yay for that. i needed this week. hopefully i will maintain the same attitudes i've had this week. and that God will continue to grow me and allow me to impact other folks lives. whoop for grace. and romans ch 8. wink, wink.


O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and blessYour name

great song. love it. whoop for dinner tomorrow night. looking forward to it. and to the call i made last night. good to be friends with yall. i love it.

thats enough. here's your quote. its from the song minuteman by stavesacre.


Artist:
Stavesacre Lyrics
Album:
Speakeasy Lyrics
Song:
Minuteman Lyrics

have to be ready
said the minuteman
one mind when I hear my name

cause all of it matters
the war and the battles and
this life is a means to and end
To inspire a dream
That when realized you attack
What kind of loving is this
But I still believe, and baby I'll fall or I'll stand
But this time I finish, I finish
I want to be ready, just like a minuteman
One mind when I hear my name
She offered her hand
She whispered be a man
But when I woke from sleep
There was only me
But I'll be ready...
I'll be ready...
All that I want to know
Is why would I want any more?