David's rambling rants

1 thessalonians 4:13-18

2006-02-20T11:26:00.000-08:00

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 1 thessalonians 4:13-18

thoughts on my trip

2006-02-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

as alot of you know, i'm planning on heading off to moscow, russia in the end of july of this year. same organization, just longer term again. a full year now. crazy, yet exciting. right now finances are being looked at and worked on. my first support letter will go out monday which i'm very happy about. living hope has basically agreed to do my paperwork and collect my money. so this is excellent. now comes the rest of my thoughts...

i feel like i want to teach myself so much about what i think i should be doing/do. i read in the NT about paul and the way that he feels and the way that he acts toward the people that he meets and shares his life and the gospel with. the praying that he does. that he is praying for them always and many different things for them. and i want to be like that myself. i want to be in prayer always for my russian friends. to feel for them, to be concerned about them. one i thing i think about myself is that i am not a very emotional person and i want to be for that reason. i'm glad char and i are dating because she helps and encourages me in this emotional aspect of myself. to let myself feel things and to not be scared of them. but to use them in the right way. but with prayer just the dedication to it, the remembrance of it and the consistency. the time set aside to do it. i want to make prayer daily occurances of my life that i set aside to do it. not just the spontaneous times. just requires some discipline but it leads into my other concern for myself. to not be entangled with the things of the world. and even to not be so about myself when i have time off. i want seeking God, spending time in the word or in prayer to be something that i want not just need. i mean i know i need God but i want to want Him. and to want Him enough to pursue Him and put him before other things. and i don't do that well. those two things are important issues for myself on my trip i think. i'd like to emphasize the words "i think". i am not sure if that is so, but we'll soon see. i have this sneaking suspicion that God is working on those things but on something more important that i'm not really aware of. and i know i'll be pleasantly surprised when i get there. and i'll be prepared for things that i wasn't thinking of, and what i was God will continue to perfect in me. i read that today in 1 thessalonians 3, to perfect. not to fix what was broke, but perfect what we are already doing. just struck me. a very important word choice. gives me encouragement that i am on the way, not just completely busted. coolness. so that is some thoughts i had on the subject. good times. otherwise things are great, def can't complain, love'n it all. busy with important things always but i'm making it. heres a quote for ya.

"Night and day praying exceedingly that we might see your face, and might perfect that which is lacking in your faith?" 1 thessalonians 3:10

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ~Dave Barry

keeping up with the times...

2005-12-22T15:06:00.000-08:00

home now. the semester is over finally... no school, no work which is good, no bcs friends which is bad but some rockwall peeps which is good and gf (finally!) which is awesome. so i am def happy to be home. its great to really have no major committments in the school and work sense. that feeling of freedom to do whatever i want. its great. got back from utah where me and the father were skiing. loads of fun. solitude and snowbasin were amazing. i hope i get to ski there again some day. great trails plus lots of powder, essential to great skiing. had a good time but it just makes you miss home. and i did. so going home was great- family time, got to see ben and got me laptop which is awesome. and finally got to see char which was good. hard times for her but i'm learning how to be a boyfriend. its amazingly hard, which i cant say i knew beforehand. but we are learning and working through things. so things are good. need to learn to not be scared of whats might happen and what is going on. to be there for her, to meet her needs and for us to relax and enjoy each other. to be honest and to try to do what i think/know i should. and to not worry or be scared. huge i think. but i am happy, fo sho. liking the har and the cd, point 5 covenant is amazing. ben's party tonight. drink some different brews of sam adams i haven't had before, so thats fun. hopefully no one will be too trashed but it should still be fun. also hope that game wont turn out badly... but i will be pleased to see all the old friends. good times i'm sure. want to go rap something so maybe another post will appear in a bit, just have to see. don't even know what i want to rap about but we'll see... i also decided yesterday that epic fantasy books are my favorites. the wheel of time, the dark tower, LOTR, narnia, all just amazing. almost done with the tower and just started the wheel of time. lovin it. also brings me back to the song by p5c called axis. great line "the cross is the axis on which the world spins." goes great with my epic fantasy books... lovin it. here's a quote from the beginning of the gunslinger, book 1 of the dark tower series.

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

i officially wish i was a writer now. peace yall.

2005-12-05T15:21:00.000-08:00

our God is rich in mercy
His ways and paths are true
for me this is a surety
after all He's led me through

He brought to my attention
this thing i say i know
but now with comprehension
along my trek i go

with happiness and cheer
a new sight before my eyes
not seeing in my mirror
reflections of the devil's lies

these things i now remember
when i sing His praise
happy that this defender
will protect me all my days

one of the other things that God has taught me this semster is about His mercy. He has really made it apparent and impacted my view of Him with it and for that i am quite grateful. not seeing Him as an overlord but someone who is merciful and loving and yet still pushing us onto perfection is a much better view. the knowledge that everything doesn't have to be "perfectly right" or even "right" at all sometimes for God to manifest Himself or to do amazing things blows my mind. i can't believe it. but i know it is true. i am dating someone now, who6p! "third times the charm." lol. its char again, so thats been good. hard because of the distance thing, but i have had people remind me that all our talking is building a good foundation for a relationship which i agree with, i just currently miss the combined interaction with others but next semester when we are visiting each other it will be there. not just us when we see each other. def a good thing. i believe things to be on the upward slope for my walk, back to where i need to be, finally recovering from the consequences of my summer's decisions. for that i am also grateful. as well as for truly being involved in things again, my church and my job, to a lesser degree though. happy happy am i. however i need a quote to leave you with, so here goes. this is 1 peter 1:3-5 ESV:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time."

flowing

2005-11-14T13:15:00.000-08:00

(this is a rap, btw)

my semester

in the midst of tough times
baring my secrets in these rhymes
letting my true feelings show
not hiding out behind some blinds
setting out to let you know
that i'm just your average joe.
often i still struggle
as i sit around and juggle
two perspectives on myself
its like i'm seeing double.
putting God on a shelf
only worring about my health
instead of lying on the altar.
i crawl off and then falter
trying to live my own life.
but my God, He's like Gibraltar
strong enough to keep me from strife
and abet me in acting like His wife.
For God is always workin
this i know for certain
making me like His Son
not standin behind the curtain
like the Wizard havin fun
but bringin change cause He loves me a ton
so i won't run away and hide
for my God moves like the tide
His ways are not our ways
but i promise that He's on our side
this i'll remember all my days
that life ain't a frustratin maze.
He's guiding us along
with His hand so strong
through all the noise and din
until the breaking of the dawn
when He comes back again
and we all can see who wins.

rhyme scheme: AABABB with alternating 6 and 8 syllable lines.

thanks to tim for getting me back to this. feel immature writing it but its true, never to old to struggle with things. was encouraged with a song at church on sat about God's ways not being ours and i wanted to leave the verses for your quote. its isaiah 55:8-9 and 2 peter 3:9

"For My thoughts are not our thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My though than your thoughts."

"The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."

wow, another post so soon

2005-10-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

thats right sports fans, back again. i've got the time to journal some, so i shall. its a good intro for me before i seek God by meself. i wanted to today to rant about being angry at other people and being selfish as the beginning of that. i know that for myself a lot i get upset at folks who don't do things my way or things that i think that they should. like roommates or folks at the gas station. or angry at people who want things from me but then don't do anything about it. my pastor at home talked about forgiveness this weekend and i think thats part of the issue. realizing other people arent perfect either and that i should be caring, forgiving and merciful towards them. cause i def want that from others when i mess up. plus being angry doesn't give a good rep for God's changing folks. luke 6:37 fits admirally here. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." nuff. hope those stros hold in there. crazy... quote time.

"When it’s all stripped away
Hidden underneath the clay
I am simply someone
Searching for You to save me"

stripped away by disciple

journal

2005-10-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

so if i started up again, but don't get to excited sports fans, this may not continue to be a regular feature of david's existence even though he has the free time. but today i'm going to do what i do best, rant...

so i've prayed for opportunities to share the gospel with people, and i've run into just random people numerous times this week, along with lost friends of mine. but one of two things happens. one, they say something not christian that i shouldn't laugh at or could reply back to and show Christ and i don't, or the in to a convo doesn't come up. the first part is the hardest i think, because i wish i could be on my feet enough to say something that will glorify God, not point me out as a Christian necessarily, but glorify God. cause i don't want to not appear as a Christian or put people so much at ease by being like them that i cease to be like Christ and bring conviction when i speak or act. but i know paul talks about being like all people to win some to Christ and i don't believe that this should be minimized, but it doesn't mean maybe what i think that it means. i think that it means like in some ways that people don't think that Christians are weird in the sense if being a nut, but still weird in the sense of being totally different and at the same time convicting and making people desire what they have. and i thing this is done with words and deeds, duh. but important words is the key. really led by the Spirit and not some textbook example or cute little phrases. the Word is huge. its so powerful if we let it be. we really need to listen to people and the Spirit. and we should see how Jesus acted toward people and mimic Him. i just feel wrong if i don't say something, which i think might be right, but i just don't know. i don't want people to think that i approve of sin, but i don't want them to think that i'm judging them either. but i want them to be convicted of sin and become repentant yet not shove me away because they feel belittled. and i think both are possible because the Bible talks about both. that people respect and love the church and the people in the church but at the same time, hate and persecute them. and the second thing, the bible says preach the gospel inseason and outofseason. but i dunno if thats means everytime you see people. i know it does mean whether you want to or not and God tells you too. not dependent on your preferences, but if the convo isn't there then what? i just dunno. anyways, thats all i got for now. you should all listen to the new project 86 cd, and the rest will follow. its amazing. as usual. the new norma jean cd, o God the aftermath. and the new david crowder band cd, a beautiful collision or 3+4=7. all impressive. i will leave you with a douglas adams quote which i think is h-igh-larious.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

i know, i know, long time no bloggie

2005-04-23T15:29:00.000-07:00

sorry for all avid readers of my blog who wonder, "when will he ever post again?" i'm sorry. i have been busy and quite honestly forgetten. my apologies. so we begin again.

you are prolly wondering what i have been doing, since you want to read my blog. school, work and upstream predominantly. way too much school work as of recently but do what you gotta do i guess. i've been seeing alot of folks recently as well. more than usual i think. which i like but i need to cut back on. otherwise, not alot really. ready for school to be over, ready to be at home for about a month and then ready for russia. whoop! looking forward to that. should be good. for those wondering if i'm finally outta that funk i was in earlier in the semester, i think so. mostly. i did read some ecclesiastes which has been great and i think given me a better perspective on some things. everyday things mostly and how i really want to take joy in knowing Christ and the love that Christ has for me. i know that i haven't been praying or reading as much of late which is no good. i think its cause i keep putting off and not dealing with a situation that i need to is the root of that. hopefully it will happen soon, i hope.

listened to a couple of great sermons the last couple o days. one by paris reidhead and one by david smithers. amazing. end o story and i hope that God will convict me with them and continue to change me into the image of His Son because of them. and i'm glad that He has reminded me that wisdom comes from His while confusion is of the enemy. russian also continues well and i hope that i'm alittle more fluent in it when i come back. i also saw a couple of my favorite people in the last three days whom i hadn't seen in awhile and who i will go run with this coming week. none of whom will read this but thats ok, i love em anyways.

no girl for those who were wondering about the last blog, it didn't work out, but thats ok i guess. "the sovereign will of God strikes again" to quote the exec impact t-shirts from last year. i know that i need to be more disciplined and still more bold in the way i do things and i am confident that God will provide those things at the proper time. but i was pleased to see that of me, mark and tres i still hold the top score on hotornot.com with a solid 9.4. eat it suckers. lol. totally kidding about that making my ego increase, i just thought it was funny. i have also hung with james and tres more which i like and murray as well, which i also like.

i think next year the ministry i will be apart of is.............. not upstream. wow, didn't see that one coming did yah. i know huh... crazy. campus renewal ministries is where i'm headed. unity in the body is something that has been on my heart and thoughts recently so i'll be doing things in that area. i think i will be an ambassador as they call the people who are officially affiliated with the org with megan utnage. so whoop for that. and i really need to get a bigger vocab and use paragraphs more. hummmmmmmmmmmm. nuff is enough. i have a verse for you about being extreme and living on the edge, which is were Christ calls us to be(see sermon by david smithers called extreme prayer, or pray til ya bleed)

"From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." Matthew 11:12

so i haven't blogged in awhile, my bad

2005-03-21T17:21:00.000-08:00

so heres a quick rehash of everything you missed in the last three weeks cause i didn't post cause i was either busy or lazy. hummm.

there is a girl... whom david likes. went on a date... it was good. spending lots of time with her cause shes awesome. prolly going to ask her to be my gf. (that last part is a secret which of course i feel totally comfortable putting cause no one reads this thing anyways). but yeah. actually that is partly accurate. paige has been the person i've been hanging with and thinking about and pursuing recently. so thats coo fo sho. our second date will be the drive in movie theater out by ennis this friday in which david will prolly ask her so its official. ( another freebie for ya)

so thats prolly about half of my existence recently. otherwise i took lots of tests, did ok. just class (take finger, swirl it around in the air) got new cds. dead poetic, underoath and anberlin. quality, all of them. you should all listen to them. new medicines, they are only chasing safety and blueprints for the blackmarket respectively. also been reading cause it was spring break and i did absolutely nothing which was great. books: angels and demons by dan brown, state of fear by michael crichton, the screwtape letters by cs lewis. all quite good. watched dune, spirited away and the incredibles over the break, plus loads of college basketball. and of course my bracket is lame, sick and dying, just like it always in. but i can' t complain too bad, my two final teams are still in it and i have a new favorite team. the west virginia mountaineers. whoop. plus atm is playing in the sweet sixteen of the nit, also a big whoop. i'll be there wednesday. throw it down boys. off this week, nothing crazy going on. looking for a house, doing some degree stuff cause they messed up on one part, but no biggie. should be a good week.

kinda distracted today, hope it doesn't continue but if its only til friday, i'll deal with it, i guess i can take it. things are still more or less the same that they have been? actually the people around would prolly say opposite. i'm not depressive anymore (thanks to paige? def in part) and things are better. good call char on the not noticing while God changes things in me. good call for sure. so thats coo. still dry to a degree but i did gain some more insight plus encouragement from mr cs lewis. and i am still being convicted about things, just gotta keep it seperate from condemnation and trust in the LORD to change me into His likeness. start russia stuff soon. whoop! headed back in the middle of june i believe, be there two months, so funds would be fantastic if yall can swing em. appreciate.

i guess the only bad thing now is the thing that has always seemed to be going badly recently (the last year). i just don't understand myself sometimes or what or why i keep messing stuff up so it goes badly. i mean i was a jerk and i understand that and why i did what i did. but it just keeps going to crap and in ways that i don't even see or understand and it just irks me really badly. but God willing this will get worked out again. i think being honest with myself will help, but i'm afraid its too late this time. i just don't know. have to see i guess.

hummmm. quote, so many possibles. incredibles, music, verse. i can't decide. so maybe one of each.

"hey kids, this is thunderhead. i didn't graduate so don't be like me. wait a minute... thats no good. just aim high, thunderhead believes in you..." thunderhead audio file from the incredibles extras dvd

"Do we have the time to lay the line between true life, and you in mine.
I want to reel it back before the day when simplicity was washed away.

chorus:
Like modern morbid prophecies fulfilled.
Like biting on these bitter tasting pills.
And we're just heroes, And we're just heroes.
For the day.

There's a silent urge to leave this cloud when all I want is to hear the sound,
Of your voice devoid of the constant noise, the only sound to fill this void.
And do you want this. And do you still need this.

(chorus)

They all won't love me, she won't let me forget.

modern morbid prophecies, dead poetic.

"I will surely assemble all of you, Jacob,
I will surely gather the remnant of Israel.
I will put them together like sheep in the fold;
Like a flock in the midst of its pasture
They will be noisy with men.
¹³"The breaker goes up before them;
They break out, pass through the gate and go out by it.
So their king goes on before them,
And the LORD at their head."

micah 2:12-13

peace

why five iron frenzy is an amazing band

2005-02-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

so, i bought the new fif cd recently, plus the live last show cd, amazing. so i decided to spend the time explaining why fif is quite possibly one of the most amazing bands of all time. and yet, does mainstream christianity think so? nope. hummmm. lets explore this possibility...

"This New Years Eve, something must change me inside,I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired. This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow.My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, in You." new years eve

this is an cliche thing to say right now, most people are. but are most people honest about it? derek webb is, fif is. they truly recognize how evil they can be sometimes and what must to do change this. note the use of the words "change me from the inside". only God can do that. this is something i hope that God will teach me, because i'm arrogant and prideful and judgemental. and i hope that God will change that in me.

"I thought I'd write an epiphany,how something good is changing me,but I guess we dodged some passing fad,it looks like it's so far, so bad." so far, so bad.

this is an awayer. this is a great line. i can't write an epiphany, it has to come to me, yet what do most people do? grab some book that everyone reads or some cd that everyone listens to. instead of waiting for God to change them, they try to do it by themselves because people can't deal with the fact that can't control what happens inside their heart. its so much easier to say that i changed myself to be like Christ, but thats bull. only God can do that. (not saying that God can't use fads, lots of these books are quite good, but see the point above)

"(The rockets are burning,the dreamers are at full swing)The heavens have painted have brushed you with angel wings and you know in your heart that the farsighted see better things" farsighted

the whole song is amazing, but just this part made it on here, but go look up the rest. want to know where hope is found? its in the future, to those who see past the present. to those who dream, who can see what is coming, who aren't tied to this place. also something i wish God would teach me, to focus on the things that are far away so that i would have hope for this day. and to remain faithful to the dreams i have of God and His faithfulness.

"For all the deepest thought compiled,philosophy to laws of physics, no one's ever heard or seen, a more beautiful thing, than this love that saved us." world without an end

"A darker world was behind this one Cryptic it hides beneath perception We all saw it on that day. Stunned we stood stuttering. What did the news say A new hope. Where is your freedom. A new hope. Here is your freedom" a new hope

""How's your life?""How are things?" "Great they're going okay!" Something stale and superficial, not to ruin your day. Something swell, something gay, with the toothiest smile, something sappy, something happy, something smells like bile. I don't want to burst your bubble, not to rain on your parade, underneath my skin I'm tired, limping down the path I've made. The clap of thunder in my veins, breaks on barren manifold, still and small and so mundane, the greatest story ever told." the greatest story ever told

"Fathomless your endless mercy,weight I could not lift. Where do I fit in this puzzle,what good are these gifts? Not a martyr, or a saint, scarcely can I struggle through. All that I have ever wanted,was to give my best to you. Lord, search my heart,create in me something clean. Dandelions you see flowers in these weeds." dandelions

"Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition,without a beginning or an end. Here's my heart, let it be forever Your's, Only You can make every new day seem so new." every new day

ok thats enough. fif is an honest band with heart felt lyrics and you should buy their stuff. end o story. they make me happy. if you are looking for an update on me, its still about the same. some things are better and for that i'm happy. but what i want will take time, and so i wait. its hard, all life is, but God is faithful, this i know. appreciate prayers, and if you don't know what i'm talking about, please ask me. i would like to tell you, fo real. i shall leave you with one more quote from the princess bride.

"life is pain, anyone who says different is selling something"

psalm 44

2005-01-29T22:23:00.000-08:00

"Arouse Yourself, why do You sleep, O Lord? Awake, do not reject us forever. Why do You hide Your face and forget our affliction and our oppression? For our soul has sunk down into the dust; Our body cleaves to the earth. Rise up, be our help, and redeem us for the sake of Your lovingkindness."

psalm 44:23-26

psalm 73

2005-01-20T14:20:00.000-08:00

"When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works." psalm 73:21-28

ho-hum

2005-01-10T19:46:00.000-08:00

so i'm back from skiing with the dad. good times. i enjoyed colorado very much. i shall hopefully be going back there next winter. throw it down on some blacks. boo-yah. note to self: remember to make sure my calf muscles are up to it. def had a borders across the street from my hotel, so that was nice. hit it up for some reading. and of course buying a random cd. whoop. todays mission boys and girls is to figure who panjabi mc is. and why david is listening to european clubbin music that has a citar in it, with lyrics in indian. but i must admit it sounds really cool. yay music. speaking of, props to mark for calling what i was listening to. impressive. new band for me that you should all be listening to... breaking benjamin. think pillar, so yes they rock. its the halo 2 song for all you gamers. sweetness. went to 52 right before that. needed it. sky ranch is good for me. good folks, staff and friends, even though the two are the same. work there again before russia? only time shall tell. awesome to catch up with some old friends. while there i was thinking about that verse that paul talks about in philippians ch 3. "

8 "More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,"

and i thought of word i would put in there for rubbish. and i think that the word i would use is pretty unmentionable. i think it has the connotation that i want and contributes best to the way that i want to feel about everything else that gets in my way of knowing Christ. interesting thing to think about. i wondered at first if i wanted to use that word because of what people might think if i said it, but i think that it is. i take comments on this if anyone has an opinion btw.

been agitated the last couple of days. not sure why. really out of it. not sure if its because i'm about to embark on something that i do not know how to really do cause it is hard, or if something bad is going to happen, or its just the ache in my soul for not being perfect. i really have no idea. and i haven't been able to be in the LORD's presence so that i can hear about it. tried to today but just got interrupted by the parents. maybe try again lata. have my coffee so that should keep me awake. but you might have to shoot me though, i poured skim milk into it. i know, shocker, but it was all we had. anyways, dont' want to freak yall out. things are well with me even though they are hard. i am confident of the way i'm going in things. so thats always nice. just hope that God's grace will be with me, cause i need it. and i know that he is faithful. heres your quote, its from isaiah 42:

6 "I am the LORD, I have called You in righteousness, I will also hold You by the hand and watch over You, And I will appoint You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the nations,
7 To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the dungeon and those who dwell in darkness from the prison.
8 "I am the LORD, that is My name; I will not give My glory to another, Nor My praise to graven images.
9 "Behold, the former things have come to pass, Now I declare new things; Before they spring forth I proclaim them to you."

rock out.

home sweet home

2004-12-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

so, i made it home finally. good ole 4hrs drive from h-town, gettin back in at about 230am. good times. glad to be here. its going to be awesome. hard still, but sweet. folks is good, friends is good. whoop. yay for good talks with people you love. eat it up.

so i feel it necessary to explain a little of my last blog entry. those verses in that order is what i have felt in the last two weeks. there was a method to that list, i promise.

thinking a lot about spiritual warfare stuff recently. saw the trailer for constantine to the new keanu reeves movie, and wonder if it is like that to a degree. because obviously we don't see things with a spiritual perspective or else we'd act way different. so, the question becomes what does it look like? i was working outside today thinking about that. listening to demonhunter, i just this image of like packs of angels and demons roaming about the earth affecting the day to day workings of people's lives. the angels are enpowered by the will of God for the good of the saints and the elect (hebrews 1:14) and to bring answers to prayers (daniel 10:10-15). and i see them looking like the angel (Tyrael) from diablo II. i'll post a pic for yall. its def sweet looking though. just so cool sounding. i can see em warring in the streets because of our prayers and petitions. bustin out swords kinda like in underworld. for the purpose of keepin us safe, to bring the knowledge of the truth, and to give glory to our King. i guess i want to see with those spiritual eyes so i can see how to pray so that peoples lives are impacted and changed forever. so that Jesus' name will be spread and His Spirit will rock people's worlds. but it absolutely scares the junk outta me too yah know? cause after that, there ain't no going back. can't keep being selfish then, or pursuing my own pleasures, gotta run for Him. which is want i want inside, but the dead me that i keep holding on to skews my vision. and facing demons, man thats creepy. like that passage from jude about michael disputing over moses body. that'd be a scary thing. but you suit up everyday and you be aight. ephesians 6 baby, you all know it, but that stuffs fo real. ain't nothing figurative about that, you need to put it on. we talk about it in this semi-real aspect and we make some small time comment about praying being at the end of the list. and then nothing happens. this ain't no joking about small time list yo. this is the real deal. like, we should be throwing this stuff down. or else we'll be hurting for certain and not being effective for the kingdom. cause its spreading, with or without us, but i want to be apart of it. so i'll prolly go see constantine for that reason, even though i'm sure theologically i'm not going to buy a lot of it, but just for the reminder yah dig?

sweet action. aight heres your quote from the demonhunter song i was listenin to. peace.

Artist: Demon Hunter
Album: Summer Of Darkness
Song:Less Than Nothing

I suffocate.
Reality is tearing my life away.
All in vain.
I'm taking my pride into the grave.

What a fine line we walk with our eyes closed.
Giving our worst as first like we don't know.
Burning my way through life with a vengeance
Giving my weight in hate until the neck bends
Tearing out every trace of emotion
Falling into this cell that you've opened
Hollow as all these faces around me
Feeling your fatal infection surround me.

CHORUS:
We all live in fear of something.
We all disappear like nothing.
We all live in fear of something.
We all equal less than nothing.

I suffocate.
I'm taking my life from first to last.
All this hate is dragging my face through broken glass.

How can we be so blind in the same light?
Covering all these scars that we can't hide.
Feeling my way through thorns of rejection.
Bleeding out all this filth of infection.

(CHORUS)

Nothing.
Nothing.
We're nothing.
Nothing.

2004-12-18T13:22:00.000-08:00

tyrael the archangel from diablo II

finally a new post

2004-12-11T19:12:00.000-08:00

2 corinthians 1:8 "For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;"

nehemiah 8:10 "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

exodus 14:14 "The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent."

romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

matthew 22:36-40 "'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

1 john 5:3-4 "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome. For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. "

jude 24-25 "Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. "

matthew 16:24-26 "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"

hebrews 11:13-16 "All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them."

psalm 118:28 "You are my God, and I give thanks to You; You are my God, I extol You."

psalm 35:18 "I will give You thanks in the great congregation; I will praise You among a mighty throng."

2 corinthians 1:9-10 "indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us,"

the cross

2004-10-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

so i think its interesting that we use as the symbol of christianity is the thing that we shun the most. its the cross, and its symbolizes our death to ourselves, yet whats the one thing that we never do? surrender to Jesus, we just do it our own way all the time and do what we want to, instead of obeying. just a random thought i had.

things are going well with me. better than previously. good times with Jesus and the way different things are going in life. so thats nice. really nothing new to talk about. so i'll cut it off short. have a good week yall. here's your quote:

"But Moses said to the people, 'Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent."'
exodus 14:13-14

another day

2004-10-18T08:52:00.001-07:00

haven't posted in about 9 days, so i'll throw some stuff down. had three tests last week so i was busy. but here goes...

good week. it continues to get better for me. God continues to remind me of stuff that i need to be doing/remembering. so thats nice. and i know that i will continue to grow closer with Him, the more time goes on. and its also helping my relationships. def glad that some of those are looking much better. wink, wink. you make me happy. love kickin it with my g5ers. good times. so, watched equilbrium last night. interesting movie. it displays the problem with doing everything with emotion and feelings but also talks about how restrain is necessary. good message actually. and the same is true with Christianity too. you can't do it without emotion or feelings. it isn't based on that, but it is still a part. joy, sorrow, satisfaction, peace, love (even though this is much more than a feeling) and hope, which is also a feeling, though also more than. but i really was glad it was just a decent movie. and i didn't think about this a lot, i just enjoyed it.

went home this weekend. it was relaxing. got my baby, whoooooop!!!! and there was much rejoicing. got a new ipod to fix the last one. all my teams won, except the yankees. but they will tonight. on the other hand, go stros. whoop. so i know that i watch too much sports and i'll def be trying to cut it back. but not today, cause i'm skipping stat to watch the yankees. lol. such a terrible thing to say, but really i will i promise. gotta keep my focus on Jesus. so i'll do that before gametime cause i want to spend time with my Savior. not because i have to. always good to remember that too. otherwise just hung with the folks and then watched the game at leahs. whoop for aggie football. dare i say, 7-1 atm vs 8-0 ou and college game day???????????????? you heard it here first. lol. good times at home. love my folks.

also, if yall could be praying for me, i'm considering a very interesting thing for the future. and i don't know. sorry it will no more specific than that. maybe later. i don't know if thats what the LORD wants or what. many things will have to be looked at. crazy stuff though.

loving the new upstream group. def tite. loved our guys time on sunday nights. going to be looking forward to it. and thursday have been good too, fo sho. hopefully sats bbq will work out well. that'd be sweet.

anyways, think thats it. still in 1 john. loving it. hopefully i will grow and learn how to love people and show God's love in all i do. sometimes i look at myself and just get upset about how i'm not perfect, but i always realize that its about His face and seeking Him. and letting Him meet me where i am. thanks char for that. i will just continue to seek Him and be like Him. continue to grow in self-discipline. such is my life. loving it fo sho, like mcdonalds. lol. heres your quote, short this time, i promise.

"but i being poor, have only my dreams;
i have spread my dreams under your feet;
tread softly, for you tread on my dreams."

wb yeats

another day

2004-10-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

why are rock songs so depressing?

2004-10-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

so, what to write about. hummmmmmmmmmm. i think i'm going to break up with my ipod cause its not working on my comp. stupid technology. whatever. i'll make it work. yeesh. at least it still charges. but i'm organizing my music and have new stuff and my comp won't read that its connected. lame. but whatev. good to hang with g5 for the game. good times. yall make me happy. i dunno. what to say? i lead a boring existence sometimes. so busy i miss the fun random times. bummer it is. still want to be more disciplined with my time. def work on that one. and yay for talking to char tonight. also makes me happy. yay for going home next week and picking up my baby. i love it. we def be rollin that next week. yeah, what? glad our kiddos loved the scavenger hunt. good times. it was a lot of fun to make and look at the pics when it was over. hardcore yall. i like it.

good times from 1 john this week. you should all read it, especially ch 3. amazing. nuff said. def got my focus back on seeking the LORD this week instead of just doing the time. all about focus. don't have it back like i'd like it now. but God will be getting me through. fo sho. good to remember that He is good, all the time. thanks for the reminder, wink.

so, i was listening to some of my new downloads. and man, most rock songs are just as depressing as country. this is disturbing. i have my nice list of songs that i listen to when i'm depressed. some story of the year, lost prophets, matchbook romance, rock kills kid, simple plan, nickelback, 3 doors down. but its all so sad. bah. i need more happy rock. i like happy rock. but heres your lyric from matchbook romance. and yes leah, i really won't cry to hard if you don't read it. wink, wink. lol. just kidding, here goes.

Promise by Matchbook Romance

What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
Promise me you'll never let me go

And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
These memories can't replace,
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

I never thought I'd be the one to say
Please don't, well please don't leave me

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,You're not making this easy

You're not making this easy (easy, easy, easy...)

Take my hand and never let me go,
Take my hand and never let me go,
Promise me...You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go

Make this last foreverI feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know, you're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy

I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you

def sad enough for yah, peace

so why post at 420am?

2004-10-05T04:20:00.000-07:00

so, here i am. posting at 420 in the am. i haven't slept yet and i have to drive at six. which means shower at 5 and leave at 530. yay for first shifts. blah. don't really know what to write about. things are going better with me. thanks to kayla for going with me to dennys til like 4 and telling me what i needed to hear. and to mich for getting things more squared away. def a good thing. so i really have nothing to say at all asiding from all that. except that i need to stop drinking coffee. that'd def be a good thing. can't wait to go home on the 15th. whoop! first time since july. that will be nice. get to hang with the fam. so yay for that. go astros. and yes i will be skipping statistics to watch wednesday's game. whoop for that as well. and yes, it is a better use of my time than class, cause that class is worthless. time with Jesus hasn't been so good the last like 4 days, so hopefully that will change. i def need it to. but He is faithful even when we are faithless because He can't deny Himself. yay 2 tim 2. but i know that now i can focus again because what was unresolved has now been taken care of, at least to start. it will take much more work but i will def be doing it. takin it slow, but still progressing forward. rough times it will prolly be, but def good times. well, i think thats enough about me for now. here's your quote. its from a song by extol. shout out to shannon for having this in her profile. i hope you learn from it.

Artist: Extol Lyrics
Album: Burial Lyrics
Song: Reflections Of A Broken Soul Lyrics

I fooled myself again
Trusting an illusion
Of what I thought to be
Never ceasing love
I burned myself again
Leaving scars that never heal
Becoming cynical
To this thing called love

Look into my mind
Fragments of what I desired
In this state I cry
Father please won't you show me
Show me how
To stop it now
Cleanse my mind
Help me find
Love

My soul is an open wound
Filled with salt of sadness
Was this my destiny
To be left alone
I nurse my misery
Leave no room for anyone
Still I am cynical
To this thing called love

A pale reflection
Of a broken soul
Slips through these eyes
Full of tears
Emotional blackout

I cannot trust my own feelings
My sorrow eats me up inside
Learn from mistakes
See what it takes
My feelings fail
Your love remains

why project 86 rocks my face off

2004-09-26T14:14:00.000-07:00

so, i bought the new project cd yesterday. wow, hold onto your face. its incredible. especially the songs oblivion, spy hunter and say goodnight to the bad guy. such a great band. everyone should listen to them fo sho. and their lyrics are good too, which is the best part.

so this was a good week. still intense spiritual attack. but hey, comes with the territory of serving the LORD. bring it on. He is always faithful.

so i was thinking about this verse and how its true. its luke 14:25-30.

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26) "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. 27) And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28) "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29) For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30) saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' "

and i was thinking how true that passage is. that obedience to Christ will make us forsake and ignore even those things we value because He is so much better. and that makes me sad that i can't do both. cause i do love all those things in verse 25. and i desire to show them that in all kinds of ways. and i'm glad Christ is teaching me how to show the people that i do care about that i care. but often obedience calls me to put God before those things. and i have sometimes hesitated and am kinda currently doing that. but i desire to obey more than anything else. so thats what all do. because i want to finish the race. i want to be like paul in 2 Timothy 4 and say that i ran the race and kept the faith and now God will give me the crown of righteousness. or like james in ch1 and say that i persevered the trial and now God will reward me with the crown of life. and i pray that my interaction with all of those things will be focused on God because i've noticed that a lot of my relationships have lost that focus. and i want it back because thats the way it should be and it rids us of problems. plus it glorifies Christ and uplifts us. so its a good call all around.

so whoop for upstream. it was fun with only 5 people and just the two fellas. good times guys. i'm glad this ministry keeps me praying intensely. good stuff.

again, you should all be rocking out to project 86 cause they are amazing. even if you are emilee frame and all those others who hate the screaming. lol. kidding. here are some lyrics from oblivion for you though, so you can kinda get the experience. its long, but please read it. its awesome.

A double minded one
Gazing into two reflections
Who cannot recognize
The vessel or the messenger

Yeah!

Obedience gone and somewhere
Left in the distance
New wilderness
Outstretched hand, broken wrist
Just a little taste of everything you would miss
Could you turn your back on this?

Fight, (fight)
For our tomorrow
Fall, (to stand)
Surrender, to follow (2x)

Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever have
Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever need

From somewhere far, far away:
(I Will avenge, I will repay)
A distant voice from some familiar place
(Drive it home in me, pull it out from me)
"Let go the anchor
Let got the deadweight.
(I will repay, I will avenge),
And I'll change what's in remiss"

Fight, (fight)
For our tomorrow
Fall, (to stand)
Surrender, to follow (2x)

Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever have
Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever need

Will I find home in
This beautiful oblivion?
No meaning
No solace
No comfort
No justice
These thoughts I've held in failure
My paper champion, false savior
"You think the answer lies within
When your heart betrays you?"

Oh yeah, yeah
Oh yeah, yeah

From somewhere far, far away:
(I Will avenge, I will repay)
A distant voice from some familiar place
(Drive it home in me, pull it out from me)
"Let go the anchor
Let got the deadweight.
(I will repay, I will avenge),
And I'll change what's in remiss"

Fight, (fight)
For our tomorrow
Fall, (to stand)
Surrender, to follow (2x)

Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever have
Whoa
It's all
All we'll ever need

It's all
All we'll ever have
It's all
All we'll ever need (2x)

thanks for reading. peace.

when understanding comes

2004-09-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

so, i think i understand a little bit more of what is happening to me. thanks to ashley for mentioning the analogy about the silversmith cause i think that is def what is happening to me right now. my impurities are coming to the surface so that He can scrape them away. so i'll def be happier after its all over. its also great that satan is attacking me in a bunch of different ways too. makes life loads of fun. so for all those who were concerned about me, i'm doing much better now. God humbled me a lot and i know He will continue to do so, so whoop for that. praise Him that He is an amazing God.

i also saw how much i am going to pray for my upstream group. cause i really want God to impact them. so i will be praying hardcore for that. they are a sweet group of "kids" so far, i'm getting more excited. i'm also happy that is God is making this group different than my last two so i'm on my toes. not more of the same. i've def entrusted this group to Him and am confident in His ability to keep what i have entrusted to Him. i also will continue to pray and ask God to do things that are off the deep end, with no better way to phrase that. just crazy stuff that no one has seen before. and again, i am confident in Him. as long as i stay out of the way, and i am obedient in all things. so thats a def prayer.

i also like having my away messages mean exactly how i feel at present. i especially like the like about DareDevil. "The man without fear is back." and thats how i so want myself to be like. complete confidence in the LORD. good stuff.

so underoath is quite possibly one of the greatest bands ever. good stuff. you should all go to purevolume.com and download their stuff. its incredible. i love it. and a solid quote from my roommate aaron, "if it takes longer than 30 seconds to acquire a taste for it, its not worth it." good times. i think thats enough, so here's my quote.

"You're the lord of lords
You're the king of kings
You are mighty God, Lord of everything
You're emmanuel, You're the Great I am
You're the Prince of Peace, Who is the lamb
You're the living God, You're my saving grace
You will reign forever, You are ancient of days
You are Alpha Omega, Beginning and End
You're my Savior Messiah, Redeemer and friend
You're my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You"

Prince of Peace by Michael W. Smith

i dont know what to title this

2004-09-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

so, i haven't posted in awihle, so i guess i shall. i don't really know what to say or title this, or even what to talk about. i'm still a mass of emotions, each regarding different things, still endervering to learn and know what i am to be doing. so, this will be random and prolly long, just like all my posts are.

one, thanks to friends who have the guts to tell it like it is. to tell me where i screw up and give me an honest opinion about everything. and still be very loving about it. i'm glad i have yall and hopefully i can be like that too. to all the people that i have hacked off recently, i'm sorry. i have really not meant to. i thought i had some stuff down, pertaining to how i acted, and didn't have to worry about it, but apparently i didn't. so i will def be prayin and asking God to change that in me. and please, tell me when i do stuff like that. i may not seem like the most open person to stuff like that, but i will def appreciate it and not bite your head off, i promise. in case it wasn't blatantly obvious, i've not been having the greatest last couple of months, but thats not excuse fo sho. God is def taking me places i've never been and so it wears on me cause i have no idea about things. its not what i'm used to, so it makes me sad cause i liked what i had. but if this leads me into a deeper walk with Christ, which i am confident in, then i shall be happy in the end. thanks to emilee for encouraging me on that and reminding me of stuff that i've been pondering about recently. good to be talking and hangin with you again. fo sho, you are a great friend and i hope to renew that friendship.

shout out to my freshman whom i've gotten to see this week. enjoyed it. yall rock my face off. i hope that God has really been teaching and giving you the desire to seek Him. we will def be doing something together next week. maybe a meal, or maybe just a good time. we'll let yah know.

so i don't know what else to write about, whether its sadness about something in the future of which i am now less confident in, or something about patience and the ways the LORD moves, or about how i want to leave the states, or about my fantasy baseball team, or aggie baseball being in 149 days, whoop! even though, thats so long from now. wow. but thats kinda whats been flying around the brain of myself. and of course, upstream tomorrow. whoop!!!!!!! i love it. bring it on.

k, i guess thats enough, heres your quote:

"The man without fear is back." said about DareDevil

2004-09-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

yay english class

first upstream

2004-09-09T23:02:00.000-07:00

so first upstream was tonight. whoop fo sho. its gonna be tight. i can't wait to see how God is going to grow these freshman and use me and laura to do it. pray for more guys for my group. there were a bunch at upstream but we just got a bad skew in my group. no biggie, got dibs on all the ones from next week. lol. good times. i pray that God will reveal Himself to our group in amazing ways and we will all grow to know Him more because of it. so def whoop for that.

so things are better with the previous post, in case yall were all freaking out with me. i kinda was told the wrong thing, but its still not good. its going to be rough to get this all worked out, but i'm going to stay around and do it. no matter what it takes. thanks to the folks who listen to me talk about it and imed or called me to see how i was, i really appreciate it, i needed it. yay for friends who love me. i love yall too. yay for getting and emailing barbara today. that made me happy. plus, guess whose going to take a free russian language class on campus on sunday nights?? yeah thats right, me. how sweet is that? whoop fo sho too. so now i'll be ready for next summer. lol. not really, but i'll know some which is awesome.

so one of my earlier posts talked about, love the emotion and the deeper kind. today i was praying and really got the impression that the deeper kind involves the knowing what it is and what it feels like. it being God's presence. even when it doesnt come with feelings cause i'm convinced it doesn't always and that these feelings are the end all be all. i read 2 tim 1:12, "...i know the one in whom i have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard what i have entrusted to Him until that day." like worship tonight, i knew that God was there because i know what to look for, at least alittle. not saying i know all about worship or have "arrived".
but that was here tonight, the thoughts and heart stuff, even if the feelings weren't which is fine. but yeah, i really don't know much about this at all still. still prayin that God will teach me more, and that He will teach me to love Him more. that He would be more intimate with me. and thats another thing i will pursue and wait for. whoop. anyways, thats it for me right now i think. heres your quote:

"There is the will of the people to endure and fight oppression. I think we call it the American spirit." john steinbeck

2004-09-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

so i just lost the one thing i care about more than anything. wow. how can i mess things up so bad? i can't freaking believe it. why do all my decisions always seem to screw everything up so horribly? and i still have no idea what happened. gosh. and the best part is, i can't do anything about it. its completely out of my hands. i don't know what to do. i don't even know what to pray for. so that being said, i'm going to go to bed. hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow but i doubt it. but i will still trust my LORD and my God.

2004-09-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

so right before class, i thought i'd post something new. hadn't done it in a couple of days. had a great week last week. happily. much better than three before that. unfortunately during those three weeks i managed to create more problems in some of my friendships which will be ironed out today. gosh i wish i didn't do that, but it seems like i always just mess something up all the time, so that our friendship can't be fun hangout time, its always working through stuff cause i'm an idiot. so i'm sorry, to this person for that. hopefully we'll be able to work this stuff out.

got another crazier week this week. between work, school, and my new upstream group this thursday (whoop!!). so i'll be sleeping less, but thats ok. God will sustain me. yay for having an insomniac partner. that'll be fun. God was def good to me last week, and hopefully His grace and mercy will rest on me again this week so i can continue to seek Him and serve Him and learn to love Him.

well, class is starting, so i better jet. this is what i want to happen. heres your quote:

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 corinthians 3:18

partner

2004-09-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

yeah, so i got my upstream partner. just who i thought it'd be. whoop for God letting me know beforehand. for whatever reason He did. def excited. she's a coo kid. shout out to laura. rock on. not much to add past that. been a good week. God has been good to me, so yay for that. i needed this week. hopefully i will maintain the same attitudes i've had this week. and that God will continue to grow me and allow me to impact other folks lives. whoop for grace. and romans ch 8. wink, wink.

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and blessYour name

great song. love it. whoop for dinner tomorrow night. looking forward to it. and to the call i made last night. good to be friends with yall. i love it.

thats enough. here's your quote. its from the song minuteman by stavesacre.

Artist:
Stavesacre Lyrics
Album:
Speakeasy Lyrics
Song:
Minuteman Lyrics

have to be ready
said the minuteman
one mind when I hear my name

cause all of it matters
the war and the battles and
this life is a means to and end
To inspire a dream
That when realized you attack
What kind of loving is this
But I still believe, and baby I'll fall or I'll stand
But this time I finish, I finish
I want to be ready, just like a minuteman
One mind when I hear my name
She offered her hand
She whispered be a man
But when I woke from sleep
There was only me
But I'll be ready...
I'll be ready...
All that I want to know
Is why would I want any more?

2004-08-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

ahhh, olympics day

2004-08-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

Artist:
Third Day Lyrics
Album:
Offerings: A Worship Album Lyrics
Song:
King Of Glory Lyrics

Who is this King of Glory that persues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me

Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit¹s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and son of man

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart
The King of glory

Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the graceous King of kings
the Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me

The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He's everything to me

yay being social

2004-08-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

so, this week before school has presented me with a problem. i have too many people to hang out with. this is not so good sometimes. and i have to leave people hanging and it is not so cool. i'm not the fan of it. so i'm sorry for the folks whos events i've missed. really, i wish i could have been there. like, take today for example. i hung with my basic group, then future upstream leaders and then my old skool upstream group number 1. whoop!!!!!!! this is insane. and i've kinda been missing the one on one time with folks that i like so much. its def a bummer. but now that schools about to start that means i get to eat lunch with folks, whoop! so you all better be ready to eat. 'specially all you on campus people, you got extra meal plans, i got a stomach. bring it on. especially tres and mark, fat kids. but i'll def be callin folks for lunch.

and yes, i have an ipod. and yes, its a fun toy. and yes i don't have a firewire to usb2.0 converter cable cause everywhere is sold out of them. bah. junk. but i will soon. oh i will. and i'm still converting all my wma files to mp3. urrrrr. oh well, i have an ipod. and its great. thanks johnson. i appreciate it. anyways, that enough. finally a short post. for aaron and you other lazy folks who don't like to read long things. j/k aaron. oh, and shout out to johnson for bringing back my airsoft guns. whoop, thats all i can say. lol. whoop. so, the lyric/quote for the day.

"its like i'm watching a dream that i can never wake up from." Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop

early morning sayings

2004-08-26T00:12:00.000-07:00

so, its now 211am, which for me isn't so late, but should make for an interesting post none the less. cause the title of my blog will make more senese now. shout out for my friend mich who i talked to online til like 3am. you made me so happy. it really made my day. thanks also to char char for being the first person to comment on my blog and of course, same to carol browning, for getting me to start this crazy thing anyways. and now i have a great new toy to play with, and something to spend my time on. w00t. great word to by the way, i like using it again. oh, and everyone should go to this site and buy this cd and every other one from one the great christian rock bands. its the new pillar cd. got it tonight, whoop! its awesome of course.

http://www.pillarmusic.com/

so, here's what i'm thinking. and this is going to raise some eyebrows possibly. i'm sick of wasting my time in college hanging out with christian people and not doing anything worthwhile. cause all we ever do is waste time and never talk about anything. we make a big deal about our "freedom" to entertain ourselves. i don't think that this is a biblical concept. cause unless i missed it, our lives aren't our own and that we are called to serve and obey our God. and i know that someone will bring up the point of being able to enjoy God's creation. and i'm not against that idea but i don't know if we enjoy God's creation in the right way in entertaining ourselves. and plus, we do it way more often that serving or preaching the gospel, which ain't right. i also think that we should aim for pleasing God. too often we settle for saying, "but i'm not sinning by what i'm doing." which may be technically true, but are you really doing anything for the kingdom? and yes, i am an offender to my own point. i'm not mature enough to say no and not strong enough to push for something else. so maybe i think that i will push more for useful conversation with my friends. and def make an effort to hang out with more lost people. maybe some people at work. and i'm not against real fellowship, i desire it with my friends. but hanging out isn't fellowship. this is also the reason that i am against owning and doing certain things cause i believe that they bring us down and make us useless. these things being movies, tv, board games, poker, aim sometimes, the internet and some books even. i am completely for absolute renuciation of everything. i think it is biblical and would probably be good for everyone. part of this is a desire to be a old skool apostle that i have. to get rid of all else and pursue Christ alone. knowing and serving Him by being His witness. i think that is why i want to move to russia right now, cause i was doing kingdom work, even though i didn't actively share the gospel. i still want my times to be more productive, even though i know that they were a good start and i know that they will cause it will be more one on one stuff, which is bueno. but here at atm its so the christian bubble which we even make a big deal about getting out of, yet we don't do anything about it. again, pointing the finger at myself. hopefully this semester i can teach my upstream group about being productive with my time. the same with all my friends. cause sometimes i do enjoy just hanging out, but i want to pursue Christ more. so thats enough for tonight. suffice it to say, today was the best day for me in a at least a week, maybe all summer. i just don't know to many things about christianity. i can just hope to obey Christ is what i know to be right, and just listen for the rest.

so here's the quote, its another song. its called frontline and its from the new pillar cd.

"It’s not like I’m walking alone into the valley of the shadow of death
Stand beside one another, ‘cause it ain’t over yet
I’d be willing to bet that if we don’t back down
You and I will be the ones that are holding the Crown in the end
When it’s over, we can say, “Well done”
But not yet, ‘cause it’s only begun
So, pick up, and follow me, we’re the only ones
To fight this thing, until we’ve won
We drive on and don’t look back
It doesn’t mean we can’t learn from our past
All the things that we mighta done wrong
We could’ve been doing this all along
Everybody, with your fists raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight
Stand beside, or step aside
We’re on the frontline
And we’ll be carrying on, until the day it doesn’t matter anymore
Step aside, you forgot what this is for
We fight to live, we live to fight
And tonight, you’ll hear my battle cry
We live our lives on the frontlines
We’re not afraid of the fast times
These days have opened up my eyes
And now, I see where the threat lies
We’ve got to lead the way"

dosvidanya

2004-08-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

me and alex
me and dasha

just one of those days

2004-08-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

so i think that the roughest times are when we can't feel God's presence or hear His voice. these times shape us the most. showing us that our faith and love for Christ aren't based only on what we feel or emotions that we have. here, we get to the real meat of why we love Christ. and though i'm not entirely sure what it is, there is obviously something more. and i think it stems from what God has done for us and our remembrance of the fact that He always loves us, no matter what. hopefully this time will make us more desperate for Him, but instead too often we get caught up in other things instead of being self disciplined and continuing to obey, showing our love for Christ is not based on what we feel. if we will just shove away all those things that don't satisfy us, and continue to pursue Christ we will be obedient. and i think that God also does this to teach us to seek Him more. on another level perhaps. i just wish that i could really learn something from those times instead of just running away from everything and only half-heartedly seeking Him. to often we think that we only have to do what we desire not what we know we should. and i'm guilty of that for sure.

i think the one thing i want to do now is to know who God is. to seek Him and nothing else. cause i think that everything else will come after that. i don't want to seek how to be good or moral. i just want to know Jesus. and i pray that He will help me know Him and that He will reveal Himself to me. i really like CS Lewis's quote from Mere Christianity.

"I think all Christians would agree with me if I said that though Christianity seems at the first to be all about morality, all about duties and rules and guilt and virtue, yet it leads you on, out of all that, into something beyond. One has a glimpse of a country where they do not talk of those things, except perhaps as a joke. Everyone there is filled full with what we would call goodness as a mirror is filled with light. But they do not call it goodness. They do not call it anything. They are not thinking of it. They are too busy looking at the source from which it comes. But this is near the stage where the road passes over the rim of our world."

so thats a little of me today. really glad renucci and tres are back. good to hangout with those men again. they encourage me a lot. thanks fellas. good to have friends like that. i hope that i am the kind of friend who uplifts and encourages his friends. so mark if the fat kid thing is out, i'll stop. and big shoutout to g5 for being a totally cool upstream group. love yall. and i'll leave with the lyrics from demon hunter's Through the Black

"I've never been the type to turn my back and run.
It's just never appealed to me to be the same as everyone.
And when it comes to shove and I can't see you through the black,
I'm going to scream your name till you come back.
And every time I play with fire, I'm going to Burn, Burn, Burn until I learn.
And everytime I do it myself, I'm going to hate, hate, hate.
It's time to get it straight.

Chorus:
I bury sick side, I tear from the inside out,
I follow the downside, I'm waiting for something else.
I know that you'll be here and I'll be waiting.
I know that you'll be near and I'll be waiting.

I turn it back and question everything in sight.
It's like I try to fall again when everything is going right.
And everything that matters isn't everything in sight.
It's taking every bit of me to keep this all inside.
I've never been the type to turn my back and run.
It's just never appealed to me to be the same as everyone.
And when it comes to shove, and I can't see you through the black,
I'm going to scream your name till you come back.

Chorus:
I bury sick side, I tear from the inside out,
I follow the downside, I'm waiting for something else.
I know that you'll be here and I'll be waiting.
I know that youll be near and I'll be waiting.

Bridge:
Lost my mind and I've lost track,
gonna scream your name till you come back.
Scream your name, lost my mind

I know that you'll be here and I'll be waiting.
I know that you'll be near and I'll be waiting.(lost my mind), I'll be waiting.
I'll scream your name til you come back.

2004-08-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

me and a cool russian
me and dasha

hey first post

2004-08-23T15:24:00.000-07:00

so, everyone else has a blog, so i think that i too will join the carnage by putting different things down every couple of days. i think that i will try to be as open as possible and put down some things that i are kinda personal in regards to different things. so if i talk about you without mentioning names, so be it. i will not rag or hate on people ever, i promise. but i will try to put down parts of my life for others to peruse. so here goes.

i have just returned from russia a couple of weeks ago, and i now have a desire to move there. after college possibly. i really hope that the LORD will allow me to go back there many times and live there eventually. i enjoyed working with the people and the russians were freaking cool. yall better be emailing me. shameless plug. anyways, i too, along with select others from the trip are very sad about leaving and wish that we didn't have too. and i feel that pain, it may not show on my face but it is my heart. those who know me well know that my excitement about things is not shown on my face often. but i too wish to be back there. and i enjoyed working with the people from my class and getting to know them. and i hope the friendship will continue. and i also am sorry for the way that another relationship went. you know i still love you and that we are always good friends. and that i am always here for you. and for all my friends this is a true statement.

so i am hanging out here the week before school. not doing anything. playing ncaa 2005 with my roomies. yay for wasting time. loved impact though. good group of freshman and i am confident that the LORD answered my prayers for them for impact, even though i didn't see it. thanks to char char for helping my remember and believe that. i def appreciate it. gonna love hanging with o-gad freshman, please be calling yall. and of course love for my upstream groups, yall i know i dig yall majorly. love you guys and gals. anyways, enough for this one i think. but i will leave with a statement or quote or phrase or something that is me at the present time. so here it is, i wrote this one.

there is a love that is passed feelings and past emotions. it is a deeper more passionate love that is based on the promises of God and a knowledge of what He has done for us. a remembrance of our experiences with Him and the memory of our Savior's love on the cross. this love endures even when we don't feel Him at the present or don't know what is going on. this love reminds us that He always loves us, even when He is quiet and that because He first loved us, we love Him. this love results in our willing obedience to Him in all things at all times, despite circumstances.

peace.